Re: "WWYD...disagreement with friend about our kids behaviors"

I am just going to copy the original post because that is all I want to comment on.

Y'all know that Im the first to admit that my kids are not angels. They are
good kids at heart, but my 6yr old has "issues" that we are working on now. We
are in counseling and addressing those. My 2yr old is a typical headstrong and
stubborn 2yr old who throws his fair share of temper tantrums. My friend has a
7yr old son who is way laid back. Never threw fits when he was 2 and 3. Is very
self sufficient now. Gets up in the morning, gets himself dressed, gets a bowl
of cereal, stays upstairs while she and her dh are getting ready downstairs. The
7yr old really is self sufficient and doesnt rely on his parents as much as my
6yr old relies on me........

7yr old (friends son) came in to use the bathroom. My 6yr old also had to
go. We only have 1 bathroom. They were going to race for the bathroom. Friend
started to tell my 6yr old that its polite to let a guest use the restroom first
and at the same time the 7yr old yelled "GO!" and took off, ran the race, and my
6yr old was mad. My ds hit the 7yr old, 7yr old began to cry, my friend got
angry at my ds. Understandably so. My ds had no right to hit his friend. Im 100%
with her on that. I heard raised voices so I came inside to see what happened.
She had my ds on the couch, he was crying. She wasnt yelling but you could tell
it was taking every ounce of self control not to. She told him that there was no
need for htat, she was very very angry with him, 7yr old isnt going to want to
be friends anymore if thats how my ds is going to act, etc, etc, etc. My ds
cried more and asked why she was being so mean. She said she wasnt but she was
angry and wasnt going to let him get away with that. My ds said something about
how if her ds hadnt done X (some nonsense thing little kids think is important)
then he never would have hit him. Friend told him that was unacceptable and he
might be able to get away wiht that nonsense wiht his mother but it wasnt
working on her and then she told him to cut the crying out because that was old
adn she was tired of that too. That is when I finally got over my shock and
stepped in. I told ds to go to his room and Id be in in a few minutes to say
good night..........

I wasnt saying much to my friend as I was livid with her. Again...I
understand her being upset and my ds shouldnt have hit her son. BUT, I think she
went WAY overboard and crossed a line there. I dont have a problem with someone
kinda getting after my kids if they do something, but in this case, I was there
and feel that I should have been the one to handle it. Regardless, the things
she said and hte way she said them were wrong. Anyway.....she did apologize to
me before she left that night. She said she was tired and worn out and snapped
and shouldnt have and she was very sorry. Said she should have gotten me and let
me handle it. I thanked her for hte apology and said goodnight. Now the more I
think about it the more upset I am. We were IMing earlier tonight and I flat out
asked her what she htought of my kids. I told her to be honest. And she was. She
said they are the most attention intensive kids she has ever met, thats not
necessarily a bad thing, they are exhausting, but they are good kids at heart
and she likes them a lot. What in the world does THAT mean?!?! I think (and Ive
always thought this, its not just in reaction to what she said about MY kids)
that her child can be a bit bratty as well. Its the age, you know? Every 6 or 7
yr old boy can be a raging ball of bratiness from time to time. My son is more
vocal, hers is more sneaky. I have seen her son say mean things to my ds, I have
seen her son hit my ds when he thinks we arent looking, her son told me that my
2yr old is "the devil" because hes so bad, her son has told me on more than one
occasion that Im fat, and we all went out to dinner one eve and her son and my
son were walking to the car holding hands....her ds clawed his nails into my ds'
knuckles and left scratches on the middle 3 knuckles that were there for a
couple weeks. Again....my ds is not totally innocent, either. THere have been
times when he is hte instigator too. I think that my friend fails to see that
and has blinders on when it comes to her son. Anyway......I value my friendship
with her and dont want to be hasty and end the whole friendship. However, I am
very hurt and upset at this recent turn of events. Am I over reacting? I know
the yelling incident between her adn my ds was because everyone was just plain
old tired, hot, and cranky. But it still happened. Ds shouldnt have hit her ds,
but she is an adult nd shouldnt have snapped on him the way that she did. What
do I do? We've talked about it already. shes apologized a couple times. I know
that she is deeply sorry. Im deeply hurt and confused by it still, though.

Here is my response- Your child did wrong, the parent of the child who was hurt caught it and she addressed it. She said the things she did because she probably spent all day watching your kids misbehave (as well as other times) and was tired of you not doing what you should to keep them straight. When it came to her child being hurt, she decided to take care of it the way it should have been taken care of. Had she left it up to you, nothing you would have done or said would have made any difference with your child.... obviously since they are already out of control. There was no reason for you to try and point the finger at the other child talking about how 'sneaky' he is. This is about your child and his misbehaving that you let him get away with. I know parents like you who have children like you do and I would have done the same thing as your friend. She got fed up with your children's behavior and your lack of good parenting and decided she need to get the job done.

This is about you and your bad children. Put your energy towards making it right rather than blaming those who know how to parent.